How Neurodiverse Relationships can affect a neuro'typical' partner's well-being and what can be done.
Ajax and Cassandra by Johann Heinrich Wilhelm Tischbein, 1806
While not officially recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the concept of Cassandra Syndrome has gained traction among mental health professionals and researchers after various papers describe an 'affective deprivation disorder' illustrating the profound effects certain childhood traumas and neurodiverse relationships can have on someone's mental health. Simons, Thompson (2011) concludes that Affective Deprivation Disorder "does satisfy the criteria for relational disorder as delineated by the American Psychiatric Association's current conceptualization."
Understanding Cassandra Syndrome:
The term "Cassandra Syndrome" draws inspiration from Greek mythology, wherein Cassandra was granted the gift of prophecy by Apollo. However, she was also cursed, ensuring that nobody would believe her prophecies, causing immense frustration and suffering. This psychological phenomenon takes a similar approach, though not involving clairvoyance. Instead, it revolves around the difficulty of being consistently ignored or dismissed despite providing valid insights, observations, or concerns.
The Psychological Struggle:
Cassandra Syndrome is a condition that is rooted in the dynamics of a relationship. Individuals experiencing Cassandra Syndrome face a profound struggle to communicate effectively and to have their perspectives acknowledged. This continual lack of validation and understanding can lead to significant emotional distress, anxiety, and even depression. Imagine feeling like your voice or feelings have no value, you are filled with knowledge, insights, and feelings but unable to penetrate the walls of skepticism and indifference. You don't feel seen, heard, or valued. Repeated instances of being disbelieved or ignored can have significant effects.
Effects on the individual:
The effects of Cassandra Syndrome can impact one's mental health in various ways. Those afflicted may experience:
Frustration, disillusionment,
Sense of isolation.
Feelings of helplessness
Erosion of self-esteem
Alienation
Anxiety
Depression
What you can do:
Prioritize self-care: be gentle with yourself. Those who've faced emotional neglect within relationships often struggle with self-nurturing. Unfamiliar with their own emotions and needs, they grapple with where to commence. Thus, treat oneself with the same tenderness extended to a child requiring guidance. Display exceptional self-compassion, particularly if self-criticism prevails, as in cases of self-blame for marital struggles.
Begin recognizing personal needs and proactively addressing them. Over years of emotional neglect, individuals frequently remain oblivious to their requirements and feel undeserving of fulfillment.
Have a personal life of your own outside the relationship
Develop and maintain support system (friends, family, therapist)
If a belief persists that needs aren't worthy of fulfillment, acknowledge it as a mere belief, not an absolute truth. Disassemble longstanding, possibly obsolete beliefs.
Understand that recuperation from emotional deprivation unfolds progressively. Analogous to tending a scraped knee—cleansing the wound and exposing it to light—similar care applies to emotional wounds. Bring such wounds into the open, allowing them space and illumination, thus embarking on the journey to healing.
Remember that recovery from emotional deprivation is a process – it takes time; be patient Strategies exist to manage residual symptoms, anxiety, and distress. Strategies exist to create understanding and develop communication skills in the relationship.
Neurodiverse Couples Therapy or individual Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Both approaches remain consistently effective for both short-term and enduring emotional trauma recovery. "Grief counseling" similarly yields positive results.
NT Cassandra support groups are also invaluable resources to consider as well.
There is hope:
Studies show that the earlier a couple reaches out the higher the likelihood of success and healing. Cassandra Syndrome serves as a reminder that understanding and acknowledging the thoughts and experiences of others is essential for fostering empathy and connection in relationships as well as a more compassionate society over all. Look for a therapist with training and experience with neurodiverse couples. Make sure to have a consult with someone first to determine if they are the right fit for you.
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